Good and Bad
Posted by Jew from Jersey
12 January 2022In her book Women’s Infidelity, Michelle Langley advocates that women should disabuse men of the illusion that there are “bad girls” who seek out adventurous sex for their own pleasure and “good girls” who don’t. “We all do that,” she thinks women should say.
I would like to make the case here that in fact, all girls are “good girls.” Yes. Hear me out. I am nearly certain that all women, no matter how promiscuous, dream of getting married someday. And I don’t just mean getting married on paper or having some man support them in their old age. I mean they actually dream of the picture-book wedding, 2.3 children, white picket fence, the whole deal. Of course, not all women are capable of achieving this. And even of the women who are, not all are capable of maintaining it. Many do not have the temperament for monogamy and will sabotage their own marriages. But all women are monogamous in their dreams.
Consider also that objectively, even the most promiscuous women are far more selective in their choice of partners than the average man. In the time frame it takes a man to obtain 1 or 2 potential female sex partners, a woman probably fields 1000 or 2000 offers from males. In these days of social media and dating apps, the ratio may be even more lop-sided than that. Even the most promiscuous women probably turn down well over 90% of men who approach them. No men turn down anywhere near that high a proportion of women. The difference between a non-promiscuous woman and a promiscuous woman may come down to whether she rejects 99.99% of men or only 99% of them.
But there is another sense in which all women are “good girls.” Even the most promiscuous of women has some dividing line in her mind that she is squarely on the “good” side of. The sentiment “I’m not like some girls” is nearly universally held. This is why women often encourage other women to take risks they themselves would not, so they can have someone to look down on or, at the very least, so other women will not look down on them. The “slut walk” movement may intimidate men into never daring to call any woman a slut ever again, but women will never stop calling other women sluts. Because they must always have someone to distinguish themselves from.
Social constructionists will claim this inner need is the result of “society.” That’s what social constructionists say about everything. That’s why they’re social constructionists. I think it should be obvious that anything we might consider to be “society” has for the last 50 years gone to such lengths to eradicate any idea of shame related to anything women do, that by this point any remaining sense of it must be impervious to further social engineering. Social context may determine where the line is drawn, but the need to have such a line and be on the good side of it seems to be pre-existing.
But Michelle Langley is also right that all girls are “bad girls.” Just as even the most promiscuous women dream of a perfect husband and family life, so too do the most virtuous and old-fashioned wives and mothers dream of losing their inhibitions and engaging in kinky sex with a man who dominates them in some way. And this too is not socially constructed. Both the “good girl” and the “bad girl” are part of what women are.
These two sides of a woman’s psyche can never live at peace with each other. In fact, they seem to be separated by a sort of an iron curtain such that neither side sees the other or can even think about the other. This is how it is possible for promiscuous women not only to dream of being idyllically married someday, but to be shocked and angry if you attempt to point out why they likely will not be. This is also how it is possible for married women to engage in kinky sex with other men while continuing to believe themselves virtuous wives.
The two sides of a woman are often so alienated from each other that they completely define two unbridgeable sides of her life. No one who knows her or has seen her in one capacity can be allowed to see her in the other or she will feel very uncomfortable.
The barrier between the two sides is not so much a straight line separating two parallel halves, as it is a closed fence separating an inside from an outside. The difference between a woman who is perceived as promiscuous and a woman who is perceived as virtuous is simply which side is the inside and which is the outside. For the promiscuous woman, it is the “good” side that is closed in so that no one but her even knows it’s there. When such a woman inevitably “reforms” herself, she doesn’t so much turn over a new leaf as invert herself. Now the “good” side is facing out and the “bad” part must be concealed. Her husband, to fulfil his role as an indicator of her newly projected “good” status, must always remain on the outside. The virgin bride is much the same, except that she starts out like this. In both cases, the wife feels that her “good girl” life with her husband is threatened if he ever catches so much as a glimpse of her “bad” side. The virtuous bride would rather cheat on her husband with a total stranger than let her husband see that side of herself. Even the goodiest good girl wants the bad girl experience with a man she sees as the bad boy.
No man wants to be classified by a woman as “husband material.” Even a man who is actually a good husband should take steps to avoid this fate. You do not want to be locked on the “good” side of the fence.
Cuckolded husbands often describe their wives as being in an “affair fog,” seemingly oblivious to their husbands and children and willing to sacrifice everything to run off to be with their lovers. The woman having the affair cannot acknowledge the happy home life because it threatens her affair self. She will tell her lover she is miserable and her husband is horrible. At the same time, she will keep the affair a secret not only from her husband, but from herself. The affair threatens the home-life part of her just as the home-life threatens the affair part. Wives often feel violated when their affairs come to light. They see themselves as victims and their husbands as trespassers or even rapists. The husband wasn’t supposed to see that part of her. Husband, if it makes you feel any better, she probably would have seen the boyfriend as a rapist too if he’d showed up at the house at dinner time to take the kids to soccer practice. That’s the part of her that he wasn’t supposed to see.
Later, the wife will say she doesn’t know what came over her, it’s wasn’t like her at all, it’s really kind of embarrassing... She didn’t even like that guy she just spent several months having animalistic sex with several times a day to the neglect of all else. And in a sense this is true, she would probably pass a lie-detector test saying this. She really doesn’t believe it was her. Husbands are often quick to forgive because it seems so out of character. His “real” wife doesn’t even like sex. And yet, the woman in the “affair fog” denigrated her home life and reveled in her indiscretions, and she would have passed the lie-detector test, too. In a way, that was the “real” wife. Most husbands would give their left testicle to know what their wives are really like.
Even for the rare woman who is actually married to the one dominant man in her life whom she wants to lose her inhibitions to, and who has never known or ever even wanted any other man, the two sides of her psyche are just as divided from each other. Most of her life will be designed to project an image of wholesomeness and propriety. The sexual part will be reserved for her husband. And even then, only in the most sealed off parts of the home in the moments most removed from daily life. And the husband will have to know when and how to flip the switch. The transition is never gradual and never verbal. It’s more like black magic. There is no gate between the two sides of the fence and there is no magic password. You have to teleport.
When I see married women who are acting or dressing in an outwardly sexual way, who seem to want everyone to know they’ve still “got it,” I tend to suspect they are not very sexual with their husbands. But of course, not all outwardly modest women are being sexual with their husbands either.